Is This Real?

I'm currently about to crawl back into my cozy bed. I am pretty sure I'm dreaming because I haven't had a break or time to relax in forever.

I'm just really excited.

Nap time, I'm glad you are finally here :)

I Don't Want To.

I don't want to live like this. 

The past few weeks I have been overwhelmed, stretched thin, exhausted, stressed, and just plain too busy. I hate this for more reasons than I can explain. I would be perfectly content living my life this stressed if it was because of something important. However, this is not the case. I've been put in this position of exhaustion because of school work. Yes, I know, education is important. But is it REALLY? I have had no time to pour into my relationships with the people that I'm surrounded by. This is not how I want to live. My fruitful conversations with Matt have been few to none, my conversations with my mom have been brief and not as frequently as I would like, my time and conversations with my best friend have been almost nonexistent, and the most important relationship, my relationship with the Lord, has been placed on the back burner and seems to be dragging. This is not how I want to live. I am sorry, but there is no way that me learning how to teach students what motion is is more important than my relationships. Especially with my relationship with the Lord. 

This is not how I want to live.

I don't want to live a busy life filled with insignificant, trivial, and frivolous things. I want to live a simple life. That may be a busy life but at least it will be busy because of things that actually matter in this world. I want to live a simple life, one of sacrifice and service, one of love and compassion, one of hope and truth. I want to live a life that reflects the gospel. I want to embody the gospel and tell it to the people I come in contact with. I want to share with them the hope that I have in Jesus Christ. The gospel is the most important thing in all of life. I firmly believe this. So why am I not living this way? Will I really allow my schooling to hold me back from living the way Jesus created me to live? I do not want to let this hold me back. I want to be free to share, to live, to serve, to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

This is how I want to live.

When I think about Haiti and all the third world countries, I see over and over that all these beautiful people want is to survive. They are willing to do everything they can to survive... even if that means risking the very life they are trying to keep alive. (Oxymoron?). Now, let me ask you this: why are people so willing to lay their life down for survival yet so many of us are not willing to lay our life down for the gospel? This thought is absurd. I'm sorry if that is blunt, but it is true. Why are we not willing to give up our lives for the sake of the gospel even though we have FULL assurance in our eternity in Heaven with our Creator? Why are we not willing to give up this insignificant life to bring life to the people who may spend their eternity in Hell if we do not go? 

The cry of my heart is to live a life that is not my own. I want to be used by the Lord to further the Kingdom and to reach the people of this world with His love and truth. 

This is how I want to live.

So this is where I find myself. Stuck. 

My body is stuck here, in America, at school, overwhelmed by lesson plans and activities for children, by lack of time, lack of sleep. And what for? 

Nothing. 

This is not how I want to live.

My heart is stuck in Haiti. With the people in need across the nations, in need of the gospel, in need of truth, love, hope, in need of life. And what would this be fore? 

Everything.

This is how I want to live.

I am.

DRAINED.

Inspiration.

I'm obsessed with maps. 

I want to have them all over my house. 

I am unusually enthralled with the color blue that takes up large parts of maps. 

It may be my new favorite color.

Maps inspire me.

I guess they inspire me for multiple reasons. 

But most of all they set in me a passion to live out the Great Commission.

I want to travel the world to share the gospel with all nations. 

I want to go. 

One Year.

One year ago was one of the most important days of my life. But I didn't know it then.

One year ago I was excited for something. But I had no idea the extent of it.

One year ago was the first missions leader meeting.

One year ago I met my co-leader for our trip to Haiti.

One year ago I met the love of my life :)

Fair warning... this post will be corny but I don't care.

On September 30th, 2009 at 10pm we had our first leaders meeting. I was waiting for it all day long and couldn't wait to go and hear about our trip and responsibilities. I was also excited to meet my co-leader. I had no idea who he was or what to expect him to be like. All I knew is that I would be working closely alongside him for the next 6 months in preparation for our trip to Haiti and a week there. As I was walking to my meeting that night I was on the phone with a dear friend who kept asking me about him. I was slightly puzzled as to why she was so curious and at that point i knew nothing about him. The only thing I knew was that his name was Matthew Johnson. Then she squealed in excitement saying, "He could be 'the one". I laughed and said, "No, I don't think so." Little did I know. In my head I said no. Over and over again. I couldn't date my co-leader. No no no. Too messy, too sticky, not gonna happen. I remember walking into our meeting and being the first one there (story of my life) and then him coming in not long after. My friend Tina pointed him out to me and said, "That's your co-leader". So we met each other and then sat down together and the meeting began.

That was one year ago. Little did I know that day that a year from then, today, I would be in love with Matt. He has been such a blessing in my life. The way he loves me, encourages me, and leads me closer to the Lord is unreal and I'm beyond grateful for it.

I love you, Matthew Johnson. You mean the world to me. I'm glad I met you one year ago.  :)

This was our first photo ever taken together. At the Miami airport after our trip to Haiti. :)

And this is us now :)

Imagine.

Last week I went on a field trip to a national wildlife reserve near my school. We walked through the marsh for quite some time and all my mind could think about was the river walk in Haiti. As I walked through this marsh with my classmates, I was in another world. I was imagining the children running up and grabbing onto my hands. I imagined them asking me questions in Creole and me only being able to answer a few of them. I imagined the children yelling "BEBE FOU!" at Ashley as she ran ahead and they chased her. Then instantly I was snapped back to reality as the guide explained to us how they were preserving the everglades by pouring millions of dollars into measuring the water and how it flows in the marsh... 

Enough said. 

(Florida Marsh)

That's where I found myself wondering how in the world I got there. I'm standing in the marsh, listening to how important it is to protect the everglades and the water and I'm wondering... isn't it more important that there are people across the world that are dying because they do not have clean water or any water at all? 

From then on I could not focus any longer on the information being fed to us by the tour guide. My mind was back in Haiti along with my heart. It was with all the children I've grown to love so dearly. It was with the mommies. The babies. It was with every single person that I came in contact with while I was there. 

To be fully honest, I would have chosen to be on the river walk, walking through a village surrounded by mountains and beautiful trees over being at the wildlife preserve. And that's just the truth. 

(River Walk)

(Beauty of the Creator)

Sewing? Yes please.

Today I have an insanely odd urge to sew something awesome. Like a purse or something. 

Maybe something like this: 

The bottom middle one looks sweet. 

And maybe with a cool antique map fabric? Something like this: 

Hmm... I'd want to hand sew it too... it'd take a while but I'd love it. 

Saturday project? Possibly :)

Handwriting Course? But I Like My Handwriting.

I am currently learning how to write like a computer. And basically how to write on a chalkboard when teaching children how to read letters. 

Fun? Not exactly. 

In other words, my shoes from Not For Sale came in today. They're wonderful. Beyond. So happy.

 

And... since I'm making links... 

Matt got a blog :) Follow him so he'll actually write in it haha 

Well I guess it's time to go back to learning how to write in perfect font. Farewell for now. 

Echo.

"Teach me Your way, O LORD; I will walk in Your truth; Unite my heart to fear Your name." 

Psalm 86:11

"With all my heart I have sought you; Do not let me wander from Your commandments. Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You." 

Psalm 119:10-11

These two verses have been echoing through my head continually. Everywhere I go, there they are. There is so much beauty and truth in these verses I just wanted to share them with you all :) 

Date Night :)

We went to the cutest ice cream place on the Island....

There was candy too....

Julia and Delton came with :) love double date nights .... 

Then we went to a Cathedral to take pictures....

We walked... talked... and held hands... 

It was wonderful :)