Time.

Well, it's been a month since I've returned home from Haiti. This past month has flown by. Time doesn't stop when you want it to and sometimes it seems to go even faster in those moments. It's funny how that happens. Time is so fickle. When you want it to go by slow it goes by fast and naturally, when you want it to go by fast it goes by slow.

As much as I've grown to either dislike or love time... (never somewhere in the middle)... I've come to realize that I need time.
I need time for my wounds to heal.
I need time for my heart to feel at home here.
I need time to live.
I need time to breathe.
I need time to rest.
I need time to be me and to let God work in and through me.

Since I've been home I've been going non-stop. Not allowing myself to fully process being back. Not allowing myself to rest in the Lord. Not allowing myself to cry over the ones I miss.

As school has started I've found myself getting busier and busier. Time has become something I am lacking. And when I'm lacking time I find myself overwhelmed. And when I'm overwhelmed I realize how distant I am from everything and everyone. Including the Lord.

Distance kills me. And typically its made up in my mind. I feel distant from everything and everyone. And when I'm feeling distant my heart is not where it should be.

It breaks my heart to see my sin. Mostly because I know how much I break my Father's heart. I let the littlest things get in the way of me fully seeking the Lord and dwelling in His presence.

It is the cry of my heart that I will continue to learn this year to put aside all the things that drain me and overwhelm me and truly dwell in the presence of my Savior.

I need time. I need time to pour into my relationships. With my family, friends, my love, and the Lord. I need time to breathe and let go of all the things that are building up in my life. I need time to just live.