First Day

of Senior year of college.

How did I get here?

The only thing I can think today is how much I want to be in the Hope House kitchen starting a new lesson with the mommies. My heart will be there, not in my classes.

However, I will be joyful in this new beginning because I am where the Lord wants me at this time in my life. I will delight in His plan for me whatever that may be, wherever that may take me.

I will delight in this new beginning.

I will delight in Him.

Jesus Is.

Someone else wrote this and I take no credit for it. But it is the perfect reflection of my heart. 

Perfect reflection.

“I’m looking over the clouds and thinking of the world that lies beneath its deceptive portrayal of peace.. so torn by war… wars of principalities and powers, wars of guns and greed, wars of lust and love, wars of abuse and abandonment.

And I think… Jesus is.

He is above all.

He is in all.

He is weeping for His creation… His people.

A people He walked alongside.

A people who suffer in every way He himself suffered.

A people created by Him, and yet a people who reject Him.

Under the clouds, I know there to be a torn earth; separated by seas are people no different from one another. And I can’t project any hope onto the situation, except the profound yet simple truth that Jesus is.

He is hope.

He is good.

He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

I cant express my anguish, of the pain I witnessed in Haiti. And it seems meaningless to even bother with my ignorant tears. For what purpose do they grieve? What will my tears accomplish except add to the pain created by such circumstances?

But I am reminded of the one thing that makes sense…

As I witness, experience, and see more of this world, only greater becomes my failure of its comprehension. I don’t understand it because it doesn’t make sense. It’s confusing; ruled by contradictions. It’s god is a god of confusion and chaos- of everything God isn’t. The less the world makes sense, the more the Word of God claims it’s rightful place as the center of peach and the sense of truth.

The God of heavenly things, of another world, is not of confusion. And His word makes sense. I’ve realized that He allows me to cry and grieve and mourn for this world. Even more than that He uses this heartache to get closer to me. To allow me to see into His character and to share a piece of His heart. And He uses those silent pains of compassion as prayer to bring about change… to restore, heal, free, love. And in all things bad, I see His goodness reflected.

In pain, He shows compassion.

In sin, He shows mercy.

In need, He shows grace.

In sickness, healing.

In captivity, freedom.

IN THE MIDST OF SUFFERING, JESUS IS.

This tattered world, in pieces… it grieves and moans, as if in labor… awaiting the birth of something incredible... desperate for new life. Let me be a midwife of another world… that I would run and not grow weary of doing good.

Empower me, fill me, empty me, use me, and fill me again.

I cannot put on a face of compassion and wear it like an accessory… but I must live it. And allow my only appearance, my only face, to be one of humility. Clothe me in humility Lord. The thing that will keep me in my place, keep me on my knees… in a place of desperation as I live only by You living in me, is humility.

You’ve been ripping my pride apart, keep doing it. As scary as that is, I’ll ask it of You. Give me Your joy and love; everything that is You, let it be in me. Less of me, of my pride, selfishness, negativity, greed, folly… and more of You and Your love, joy, peace, goodness, faithfulness, self control, graciousness, more of You.

And please just hold Your daughters tonight.

And hold Your sons.

Hold Your children.

If not complete deliverance, then please just wipe their tears.

Please watch over them.

Watch over Haiti.

Be their God. Claim Your people!

This is hard.

Today, all I want is to be in Haiti. Forever.

I don't want to be at school. I know I'm here for a reason. But today, I'm fighting it. I need to stop and learn to be content where God has me. I need to drown myself in Him and Him alone.

Passion

Well it's about time I got back on here and wrote something.

Not sure it's going to be long. I'm just going to start writing and we'll see where it goes.

I'm pretty much all moved into my apartment at school. Most of my stuff is unpacked now and my room is almost completed. (Still need to figure out what to do on the big wall next to my bed). Any ideas are welcome. :) Today I finished the wall above my desk and I must say I'm excited. It's a "letter wall" with all my letters from the mommies at Mission of Hope with a picture of each mommy near their letter. I absolutely adore it. I guess it's my "Haiti wall". It makes my heart smile.

My brains fried and I havent even started classes. Not sure whats going on but writing right now just doesnt seem to be working.

Hm. What's been on my heart lately?

Well besides missing Haiti and the beautiful friends I have made there terribly, the Lord has been pressing on my heart to live every day life with the passion i live with when I'm in Haiti. To use my passion and love for Haiti and it's people here where I'm living. Whether that means being involved with what's going on there while I'm here or living with a passion for every person around me. Wherever I am, I want to live life full of love and passion for people and furthering the Kingdom. It's a hard concept to grasp sometimes. It's strange how easily I find it to share my faith and to love everyone I come across when I'm in another country or somewhere besides my "home". But the second I'm back "home" I seem to stop looking for opportunities to share my faith. So the cry of my heart is that I will be living Kingdom minded and be looking and praying for opportunities on a daily basis to share my faith.

As for me, I'm just living life. I feel like a nomad at the moment. Coming and going and staying and leaving. But here I am, at school for quite some time so I guess I should get settled here.

Life is good. God is great.

Well, sorry this post was so "blah" but I'm sure I'll be back to posting regularly once everything calms down a little. :)

PS. I am not used to being in a cold apartment. At all. And I am ALWAYS freezing. I miss the heat

Well

I'm at school and getting all moved in.

Might be a little while before I post again. :)

Little Things

Well.. in 2 days I'll be leaving for another year of school. I can't believe this is my last full year. It's my last year of classes before I'll be in a classroom full time. Unreal. After thinking about last year and the little things that made my heart happy I made a small list of random things I want to do that will make my year special. These aren't things that are of much importance. These aren't big goals. These are the little things that get overlooked but can make a huge impact on life. So here we go... these are the little things I can't wait to do:

-Sew. Anything.

-Sell my photography. Or get it published. Or both.

-Raise enough money to visit Haiti anytime I want.

-Fold my clothes neatly and keep them that way all year long. 

-Stay organized.

-Write down everything in my planner. EVERYTHING.

-Sleep on Juno beach. And actually stay the whole night.

-Cook a real dinner once a week.

-Learn more Creole. Never stop learning or practicing it.

-Become an expert at using coupons.

-Take pictures, print them, hang them.

-Make a book of my favorite photographs.

-Coffee dates. Starbucks. Worth Ave. Yes please.

-Facebook? For children. You can find me on there occasionally. That's all.
-Go on more "drive til we find something" dates. SO fun.

-Skype with loved once that are far away.

-Paint regularly. Even if its for no reason or of nothing.

-Be intentionally thoughtful.

-Drink coffee in the morning and tea at night.

-Watch the sunrise regularly.

-Actually go to the beach this year, more than once and before finals week.

-Saturday mornings=Green Market and Paris Café.

-Go to my not-so-secret garden to read, pray, seek. The end. 

With Jesus.

To say that I've been thinking a lot lately would be an understatement.

6 days ago I came home from 5 weeks in Haiti. Possibly the most amazing 5 weeks of my life. And now I'm home for only 6 more days until I leave to move back to school and start my last full year of college. Life is something, isn't it? My heart is torn because I'm so glad to be home with my loved ones but I'm also missing being in Haiti and I'm also excited to be back at school. Is it possible to have your heart in three places? We will have to wait and see.

The Lord has been teaching me more than I could even explain. This summer has been a summer of growth and learning. But more than that, it has been a summer of learning to apply what the Lord has taught me and to live it out fully.

I'm not in Haiti and I do not like this. But the Lord has been preparing me for this and is teaching me to be content where He has me because when I'm with Him, I'm where He wants me. I know I'm here for a reason.

I know the Lord has a plan. I know He has great things for me. I know He will use me wherever I'm at. I know His plan is better than my own. It's hard at times to grasp that... I've been struggling with this for the past 6 weeks. But I know without a doubt it's true.

So for now, wherever I'm at, whatever country I'm in, all I want to do is be with Jesus. I want to live life full of His love and I want to abide in Him. I want to rest in His arms and dwell in His presence. I want to be with Him.

It's lovely. And this is what I know to be true: It's when I'm dwelling in the love of my Savior that I am filled with His joy, peace, and love. There's no place I'd rather be.

This is my life

And this is my new blog :)